Harry Pothead: The Story Not the Poster
by Bob Ross
Summary: In a world where Harry is a drug adict. His lone friend, who is to perfect to use drugs, must help him lose his adiction. PG-13 for extreme drug use. A bit of H/G


A/N: This story is a total spoof of all things Harry Potter. No offense is wanted. Flames are welcomed.

Disclaimer: You know if it is mine or that Rowling ladies'.

Harry Pothead: the story not the poster. 

Chapter 1

My name is Harry Pothead. My friends Ron and Ginny Weasly have agreed to embark on a marvelous journey with me. The world of Drugs!

"I'm Harry, I like pot." Spoke Harry as he lifted a joint to his mouth. 

"I'm Ron. Sniffin' is more my style." The young red head spoke as he began to intake a white powder that seemed to be cocaine. "Harry where is ah, you know, what's her name..."

"Hermwiggle," Harry blasted out.

"Oh right, Hermishmorgin. You know it was sure nice of Dumbledore to hook us up again."

"Yeah well he did love my parents so It's the least he could do," bellowed Harry as he and Ron switched drugs.

"Hello Guys," Spoke Hermione as she entered the Gryfindor common room.

"Hey Hermswaggle want a sniff of this stuff," snorted Ron.

" It's Hermione Ron. Hermione."

"Oh right!" He exclaimed looking quite puzzled.

"And that stuff is Cocaine pronounced (Ko-Kan) an alkoid obtained from cocoa leaves. Generally used as a local anesthetic or an intoxicant. It is illegal!" She bursted out. Harry and Ron just stared at her with confusion then went back to the drugs.

"Hey Ron, where is Ginny? She said she would be here." Questioned Harry.

"Ah. She said she was gonna get some Fire whiskey for later tonight."

"Awesome," Harry murmured as he slowly came in and out of consciousness.

"Ron I think Harry has had enough drugs for today," spoke Hermione looking quite worried. 

"Enough? Ha, no such thing,'' Ron hollered.

" Haven't you ever heard of drug overdose. Meaning to take an excessive dose of drugs. It's very unsafe."

" Yeah, well have fun at the fair Hermi. I've got to tame the walrus." Ron fell unconscious and soon was on the floor with Harry.

The next morning Hermione woke to find Ron still unconscious and Harry making out with Ginny. 

"Ginny, Harry what are you doing?" Exclaimed Hermione.

"We were just drinking some Fire whiskey. Nothing happened," Ginny explained.

"This has gone too far! The one or two joints a day was fine but now your always either unconscious or totally out of it. You need to bring this under control. And no one likes you. You reek and have totally lost all intelligence you have ever had. Is this what you really want?"

"No, I want to take a piss," Harry mumbled as he stood up, walked into the wall and once again fell unconscious.

"I'm sorry, Hermione," Ginny spoke as she rose to her feet. "We need to act like mature adults and keep this drug thing under control," Hermione smiled, "but not until I have another joint!"

"NO! No more joints. Any more anything. I don't want anything bad to happen to you guys." Hermione stormed out of the common room.

Hermione quickly marched through the vacant halls down to the library. "Ah, let's see," she ran her fingers along the books looking for a good dictionary. "Here we are," she rummaged through the pages."Aha! Addiction- To become dependant upon a drug," she thought for a brief moment and soon began a mad search for a purple book (a directory of business'). "Yes I found it. The Quit Quadrant devoted to helping people overcome their addictions. Let's see here, 1-800-DONT-ADDICT-ME." She picked up the phone and dialed the number. "Hello yes I would like to enroll my friends in your program...........Yes their names are Harry, Ron, and Ginny............. Will I be coming? I guess...I don't do drugs....... Oh! Emotional Support, I see?………. My name is Hermione............. Thank you............OK..................See you on Tuesday.......... Bye. Bye." She hung up the phone and ran up to the common room to tell them the good news. 

"Guess what guys. I called a hotline and their gonna help you quit your drug addictions. So first step will be to dispose of this," she picked up the drugs and blew them up.

" I'll be needing those later," Spoke Ron as he awoke from his 'slumber'."

Soon Tuesday rolled around and the four went to the class.

"Hello my special people. My name is Lee and I will be your quit buddy today. Lets start by going around the circle and talking about what we want to gain from this experience. Harry you start."

"Well I didn't really want to do this at all but I guess I want to be able to cut back."

"Harry, You can quit. I'll help you. I want everyone to quit and never go back. We need to help each other and work this out! I have NEVER done drugs, and look at me!" Cheered Hermione.

"Yeah, what she said," spoke Ron.

"Yeah whatever," sighed Ginny.

"Great! This is marvelous! Such potential to quit! I know you can do it!" Said Lee. "Well basically the only way you can quit is to not buy drugs, not use drugs, and not even think about drugs. By helping each other with this it will be easier. Now if someone slips up we always can put him or her in the Naughty Shack. Trust me they'll never smoke again. So thanks for coming. Bye!" The woman stood up, left the room and left the four to think about and process the information.

"See guys that wasn't that bad." Hermione tried to comfort the gang as she could tell they were worried. "Trust me you can do this"

A/N: Hope you all liked it. Please R/R. I love flames from all you Harry Potter groupies.


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